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      一封寄不出的信
      类别:日记 作者:何文越 日期:2019/9/19 字体: 】 阅读:
      编者按:20年前的一封信,记载了当年相恋的同窗,肺腑之言,发自心底,字里行间,真情流淌。但愿一份真情没有白白付出,即便天涯海角,亦可以感受到这份痴情。留的满园芳草在,不负伊人一片真。
      阿璞:
           您好!思你之烈,思你之切,哪怕我的笔下生花,也难以表达无遗呀!
           思你之苦,竟频繁的在梦中实现了。至深刻的便是前两天晚上的一个酣梦,言是酣梦,因为有幸与你于虚幻中相会,不尽如意的是你在梦中的情形令我伤心不乏,你姑且不嫌我唠叨,缕述与你聆吧。
           我弄不清是如何的闯到了一间课室的外面,一堵与我肩齐的围垣高据于室上,我探首俯望,登时瞅到你刻苦攻读的情状。你面容消瘦,与一张菜叶相似,身如弱柳条,轻飘飘左右不稳,颅后一片银白,我怔怔的忍耐不住——即时暗暗饮泣。你的英文程度已达至登峰造极,随意可朗朗背诵一大篇课文,立在讲坛上的教授溢着微笑默默赞许。你被选拔当上班长,负责督促全班的学习进度,克己严人。由于你直言不讳批评别人的谬误,惹来不少的白眼相对,背后流言蜚语四扬,中伤、诋毁你。我瞧到如此为你大抱不平,并痛切心肺,泪水再次充盈眼眶,鼻子发酸,旋即泪洒浸透枕巾。我乃静悄悄在旁偷窥的,你一点也没觉察到我的存在、忉怛,我不愿打搅你高涨的学习情绪,净在一边怜惜你担心你。下课的铃声敲响,我突的出现在你眼前,你显得奇怪和惊喜,我激动得无法形容,揣度你必是疑窦丛生——我咋有余暇霎时露面的。记不清与你说了些什么,稍顷邀你一齐共膳,你应允了我的请求,我开心到仿佛追随时光的隧道回到初结识同你共桌而餍的日子。在吃饭的期间,我婉语对你规劝,教你不要太操心劳瘁,注意珍摄。然后颇有感触的分析个中固陋的缘由,问你是否终生不渝搞学术研究?能力是否充分,所习的功课是否值得你钻研,若不是立心在科研上获得硕果,何必去花庞大的心机?横竖女人迟早要嫁的,工作上得心应手便可,切勿弄跨了身体。说到这里我自觉口气太市侩了,不禁涨红了脸。殊不知你听后竟赞成了我的观点,并保证说尔后量力而行,辞掉班长之职,恢复原有的精神面貌,随后又怎样?如何的分手——朦胧了。
           翌日回想起来仍觉津津有味,此情景要是现实该多好啊!还是不好,假若当真,那岂不是畴昔你的一头飘逸秀发、妩媚的俏脸没啦。我还是喜欢以前娇娆清纯的你,但愿你不因这荒唐怪诞之虚构而道我故意在你面上抹黑,日有所思夜有所梦所致,不过偏离奇古怪的一面而已,我想你不会尴尬介意吧。
           阿璞,一别数载,直至如今才想到一定写信予你。在这期间想写的时候也有,一是自己的疏懒、漂泊、行踪不定、不成器而耽搁,一是欲写的时候便想到你可能留学海外了,或是相互淡薄了。到了现今,如果出了国也该回来了,当真留在异国他乡寻梦,那么我所抒发的胸中积闷就得石沉大海、杳如黄鹤了,祈求不是如此。于今写信给你的原因,还不是和在校时一样的心思——欲走近你互诉衷曲?
           我一直惦挂在校时与你相识交往的光阴,所留下的每一串足印,至今仍历历在目。我要将那时的烦恼大胆披露了,骨鲠在喉,不吐不快的,更何况如今已是有妻室之人,相信你亦成家立业了,公开出来,相互皆没妨碍,就让你当在工作之余的一剂调味品吧,又或当是无聊人的恶作剧吧。我恁时待你是至真至诚的,不晓得你是否有感觉到我率真的情怀,可恼的我啻能在旁害单相思,自惭形秽,自我忍耐精神上的摧残磨折,无缘无故的暗自掉泪,我所受的痛苦、沮丧、怅惘你是不能理喻的。试想如这般卑微无艺的人又怎配拥有完美的爱情?更何况是清丽脱俗的你。我那时是把你当作心中的安琪儿,你要我献出生命我也愿意(当然这是玩笑话),无时无刻不在眷念你,想跟你没日没夜畅谈,没你在身边的日子我的生活可算空虚侘傺了,明明清楚是一棵仅开花不结果的树,可我就愿意陷入去迷茫。可谓爱情的魔力足能让人不知所措及彷徨的,唉!这种执着复杂的情丝是难以理出头绪的。假使与你的距离悬殊不多,又假如我有俊朗的外表、富甲一方,我真的会屏弃一切死死缠住你的,哪怕由你刮几句耳光,骂个狗血喷头,我依然是无怨无悔的去追求你。我因为自家的许多不足,自身的不够强大,深感云泥之别,故从不敢婴你,不敢在你面前提一个热烈一点的字,綦害怕自己的鲁莽导致你怅怅,怒向心中生,从此待我不闻不问,这是我最不愿破坏的。可是你喱,是否还记得我的存在么?
           此书有幸让你收到,我就得感激上帝对我公平不薄,假若兜兜转转的折返,那么与你的音信从此断绝了,我非得诅咒上苍不可,是它剥夺了我与你交往的权利。如你收到阅了,喜也好,恼也好,总得抽空来片言只字吧。我是望眼欲穿的等待啊!所留下的地址是永久的地址,再不是以前寄人篱下的住址,你说你会让我失望幽伤吗?
                                                    
                                           1999年9月越书

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      作者:何文越 发表作品:13 篇
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